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Friday, September 23, 2005

Week 1&2 Wrap-up

Week 1&2 Wrap-up

Question: What is the best way to be a dismal failure at fantasy football?

Answer: Frankly there are many paths to this noble end.

To answer this question let's ask some of the coaches in our humble league.

First off would have to be Coach Lorenzo and the woesome Capitalists. In a league defined by parity, the Capitalist stand alone as total losers. Through 2 weeks, no other team has been able to lose both their games. What's gone wrong? It would appear that having the accepted #1 RB in all of fantasy has not been enough to make up for the extra-special dismality of starting William Green in the first two weeks. Despite his consistency (week 1: 1pt, week 2: 1pt) he has been unable to make up the difference and push ther Capitalists over the top. Thus far, the "Team of a thousand QB's" has yet to find a way to implement their dreaded 4QB set. Until Kerry Collins starts playing RB, look for more of the same.

Secondly we'd have to ask coach Hogue how they've scored a measly 109 points thus far. Sadly his results have not been as successfull as the Capitalists, and they have managed to scrape a game off the equally repugnant Tetons, but against next week's halfway decent WhoTheFCares, look for the downward spiral to continue. Sadly, even the #2 and #3 RB's in all of FF can do nothing for a team that persists in leaving them on the bench.

Thirdly we move to the sadly deformed Potato Farmers. The presence of the #1 kicker in football on this woesome team should to show that Having too many players from Cincinnati on a team does not go unpunished. Look for these misfits to be cruelly malled in the belly of the retooled Bootymen this week.

Tied for next-worst are the Tetons and Bandits, though these are two very different teams. The Tetons carry the #1RB & #1WR into week 3 and seem to be accelerating after a goose-egg laying week 1. The Bandits are a mishmash that reads like a waiver-wire with the notable addition of Daunte Caulpooper. Look for these misfits to continue middling along agains the softball Capitalists until the wheels come off Fred Taylor and Antawaan realizes everyone else spells his name differently and slips back into obscurity.

The Bootymen are next up, but they are clearly in a rebuilding year and can't be blamed for anything.

The Hinglish are achieving decent results with a rag-tag bunch of half-breeds, but their beauty is only skin deep, their bench is a pack of castaways more fit for celebrity-jeopardy than professional football and he's currently planning to start two players on bye-weeks. Look for a mid-season fade to obscurity here.

The Bliss are the new team in town and currently 3rd on the depth chart. Stimied in thriller in week 1, and victors over the sad Gentlemen in week 2, the Bliss have yet to truly prove what they're about. Watch them follow in Big Ben's footsteps.

And now the upper echelon. The rare air trodden on by only those with more luck than the rest of us. This said, the Yankees so far have taken the amazing lead in points against. Averaging almost 100 points a game shoudl keep them in good sted until the magic wears off Donavan. Look for the Bandits to find this out first hand this week.

And then our one and only 2-0 team. With 8 players in the top 10 at their position, the Who personifies consitency so far. Able to easily match and beat their oppents by comfortable margins the Who continues to be the league favorite. If Larry Johnson starts showing his backup status, Matt Hasselback remembers he's from Seattle and bye weeks start striking, this could all change in a heart-beat...


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